It can be heartbreaking to watch your kids face obstacles and not overcome them. Whether it is with school work, social situations, or physical/sport-related challenges, parents always tend to try to make their children’s lives as happy and problem-free as possible.
Can over-helping your kid actually have negative long-term effects?
It may sound and feel like this is always the ‘right’ thing to do as a parent, but we are going to discuss why keeping them protected, or guarded, from life’s obstacles may sometimes be more harmful than helpful for them. Furthermore, we will share three ways for you to make sure you are training your kid to be prepared and adept at overcoming all sorts of obstacles.
Think real life obstacles. Did you know that about 90% of startups fail? Did you also know one of the top reasons for failing is the inability to change, adapt, and overcome inevitable obstacles? In other words, many of these failures come from obstacles that people, with the right tools, knowledge, and mindset, could have overcome and achieved success. Wouldn’t you want your kid to be part of the 10% that does succeed? Of course, this doesn’t just apply to starting a business. Obstacles arise in all areas of life; friendships, love relationships, school, sports, professional careers, and many more.
Teaching your kid how to overcome obstacles, no matter how small they seem at their age, will give them the right mindset, perseverance, and tools to face bigger more real world obstacles in the future.
Ewotopia wants to help you prepare your kids to succeed throughout their life, so we have compiled a list of ways parents can shift their mindset and behavior to become more supportive of their kids facing obstacles. A few days ago, we shared three of those ways on our Instagram channel. You can find those here. We received some questions and feedback so our team decided to write this article and expand the list with three more. So let’s start discussing them.
1. Rid yourself of the “they’re just a kid” mentality
A lot of parents let their kids ‘off the hook’ because you know, “they are just kids”. For example, when they are not able to complete a house chore, or when they are struggling to solve one of their homework problems. Parents think they will eventually learn how to solve their pressing obstacles with age, and that it is okay to let it pass and do it for them while they are younger.
Unfortunately, kids pick up on this behavior, get used to someone solving their problems for them, and eventually, get into the habit of not trying or giving up too quickly. If this behavior is encouraged and reinforced, they can easily become someone who, when dealing with a situation that doesn’t have a quick answer, easily quits.
This is the future behavior you want to avoid. Therefore, as a caring parent, you need to start encouraging them to figure out how to tackle rising obstacles, learn from failed attempts, think of new angles to attack them, and ultimately, overcome them starting in their youngest stage. Instead of rationalizing “it’s ok, they are just a kid”, get in the mindset of “I’ll teach you how you can approach it and guide you, but ultimately you must overcome it”. This will help your child understand they are capable of solving their own problems, it just may require extra effort and/or time. Regardless, they should learn to not be afraid or lazy of exerting extra effort to reach their goals.
2. Lay out the big picture and long-term benefits of overcoming tough challenges
It is very normal for someone not to want to overcome a problem if they don’t see the long-term or even near-term benefits they may get from it. For a young kid, it may be even harder. They face trivial obstacles everyday, like how to tie their shoes, or how to color inside the lines. Not trying to perform a good job at these minute tasks may seem like it has no consequences. It’s just coloring, right? But helping them understand how solving that obstacle can help them with bigger things in the long run might encourage them to try harder.
Therefore, take the time to explain the why of all these obstacles. For example, they need to learn how to solve the math problem because that will help them perform well in the test, which will then give them an A in the class. You can keep going with all the long term benefits, but try to keep them at a level they will understand and actually want to strive for. Telling them about getting into a good school might not be important for them at the moment, but getting an A might be. Look for those things that keep them motivated and explain why or how facing the little obstacles is going to help them get there.
Show them that practice makes perfect in anything they do
Research has shown that close to nobody is born a master. Humans may have different innate talents, but kids have to do things repeatedly for it to become a habit and for them to become highly proficient at it. Therefore, it is important that you keep putting your kid in situations that encourage them to face obstacles. We are not saying for you to place them in problematic situations, but give them chores and challenges that tests their problem solving skills and perseverance and that can even be fun for them to overcome.
You can even do this with a game too! We did a little research and found games that you might want to play with your kids that will teach them how to overcome obstacles. The most straightforward one? Moving through an obstacle course: here is the Pinterest Search we did to find different versions of it!
No matter what scenario you choose, just keep in mind to always challenge their minds and their interest to solve the problem. If they seem stuck, give them guides, clues, and help, but never make them accustomed to you solving their issues.
Takeaways for not allowing your kid to fall into the dependency trap
We have discussed the importance of why you need to reinforce in your kid the practice of overcoming their own obstacles. Even though kids’ problems may seem small and insignificant, the way they face them can later become the way they face any type of real world problem in the future. This is why it is important for parents to encourage a problem-solving and obstacle overcoming behavior, and to not let their kid fall into the dependency trap.
In this article, we shared 3 ways parents can make sure they are training their children to overcome problems. We discussed the need to understand that even though kids are young, it doesn’t mean they are incapable of solving their own issues. Parents tend to try to solve their kids’ problems, which could be harming them more than helping them in the long-run. Instead, you need to let your kids face their problem and think of ways to overcome them.
We also talked about showing them the bigger and longer-term benefits of overcoming small obstacles. Having a bigger motivation makes it easier for them to put the extra effort. If kids just see the immediate result and satisfaction, and it’s not appealing to them, it might be harder for them to want to overcome their challenges. However, if they understand that overcoming this small obstacle can yield bigger and better things in the future, they will put extra effort into facing them.
Last but not least, everything we discussed is not going to yield results if it is not practiced over and over again. This is why it is important to frequently put your kids in situations where they have to overcome an obstacle. Only then, will they be equipped with the mindset and tools to know they can overcome it. This also helps them build a higher self-confidence and self-esteem, which you can read about the importance and benefits of this in our other article here.
We hope you found this article helpful and you are now more knowledgeable of the importance of this topic and how to actually apply these principles with your kid(s).
Let us know if you think there are other ways you can encourage obstacle facing in your kids natural, everyday behavior. Have you thought about this in the past?
Sources
“Helping Your Child Overcome Common Obstacles.” Family Education. https://www.familyeducation.com/life/character/helping-your-child-overcome-common-obstacles
“Developing Perseverance in Early Childhood.” Parent Toolkit. https://www.parenttoolkit.com/social-and-emotional-development/advice/self-management/developing-perseverance-in-early-childhood