From Outdated, Guess-based Parenting, To Today’s Modern Parenting

Times have changed. What parents used to teach and expect from their kids may now be outdated. Therefore, what you think you are doing right may actually be negatively impacting your kid. This article is going to talk about some outdated parenting styles and expectations that may harm your kids, growing up as part of today’s Generation Z.

We have seen it time and time again. Generations change and evolve, and parenting goes along with that evolution. Back in the day, parenting was based on beliefs, instincts, myths, previous examples, and society standards. Basically, due to the lack of modern technology that makes the widespread of information so easy and fast, previous parenting was based on no real knowledge of what could have positive or negative effects on children.

Fortunately, for today’s millennial parents, we live in a world full of researched and proven knowledge that is relatively easier to share and teach, and researchers have been able to prove how certain parenting actions actually affect kids in the long run. Ewotopia’s mission is to uncover these proven topics and present them to you, part of today’s millennial parents, in a way that it easy to understand and implement.

So let’s start with the most common practices of today. What do you think you are doing right?

• Are you being forceful or pushy regarding your children’s career choice, most likely coming from your own preferences, ideologies, or worse, for your own ‘prestige’ in ‘bragging’ about your kid?
• Are you allowing your kids to choose their desired extracurricular activities they are passionate about?
• Are you only incentivizing proper behavior, [chore] responsibilities, and good work ethic via [over] rewards or harsh punishments?
• Are you forcing your kids to eat their entire plate of food?

Any of this sound familiar?

These are all common practices you may have grown up up experiencing and still see being done today. Hence, it is only natural that you may want to apply the same principles on your kids. After all, you turned out fine, right? Nevertheless, there is always room for improvement, and believe it or not, most of these practices are now outdated and with new information, you can be a much better parent than what you think, and positively impact your kids even more. You can be the hero we know you want to be for your kid!

Let’s dive deeper into the common practices mentioned above.

Not letting your kids practice their passion or their own chosen career path for your own selfish reasons

Did you dream of being an artist, an athlete, a dancer, an astronaut, a singer, a musician, a philosopher, or a firefighter? Some of these are activities that you may have actually performed as a kid, but were discouraged by your parents to pursue as a career.

Today you might think your parents were right, and this is why you are applying the same principles to your kids. You might think it was too hard to make it in that field, so it was better that you were forced to pursue something else, even something you possibly dislike. The truth is, you are right! It can be very hard to ‘make it’ in certain career paths. It seems like it is just simpler and risk-free to follow a traditional career path like engineering, accounting, marketing, sales, law, medicine, etc.

We get it. You don’t want your kid to suffer the feeling of failure or rejection. You want what’s best for them and what will give them a ‘better’ future by whatever standard you are adhering it. But sometimes what you think is best, may not be actually what will make them the happiest. Read our blog post about The Importance of Helping Kids Find Their Passion Early On and Why You Should Start Now.  

Not everyone will decide to make their passion their full-time career. Some will be happy with a regular/traditional career path while performing their passion on the side as a hobby or side-hustle. Others may be completely miserable if they are not doing what they love full-time, even if it means foregoing a relatively well-paid job. What you, as a parent, need to understand is that every individual is driven by different desires than others and will be genuinely happy with a different lifestyle than what you may prefer. You should accept that  it is okay for kids to experiment, make mistakes, and to find out on their own what lifestyle and career will make them the happiest. Parents of today grew up thinking they need to have it all figured out even before they go to college. You need to choose a successful career, have good grades, graduate, get married, and have your successful life. Right? But how many of you think it would’ve been OK to take a little more time to figure everything out? Look back and think if you had to be so “right” about all your decisions all the time to be successful? Maybe this is what your kids need today. They need to understand that it can take time, but that they have the power and freedom to try and figure out what is actually best for them, instead of you forcing them to do something they don’t want. Especially if you are doing it, whether knowingly or unknowingly, for your own selfish reasons, for your own and your family’s ‘image’ or reputation, or for bragging rights with your group of friends/parents.

The long term result of not allowing kids to find their calling on their own may cause an unhappy young adult, or even rebellion against their parents. It is time for millennial parents to make the difference.

Over utilizing rewards as incentives to influence your kids

There is a lot of debate in this topic. It might seem simple and intuitive. Most people need some incentive to do things they don’t want to do, so you use that concept with your kids early on, right?

Not quite. There is real harm in only using rewards as an incentive or motivation for kids to do things they are not interested in. At first, sure, they will be excited and eager to perform the chores and task because they know they will get something in return.

However, with time, kids will stop behaving the same way if they are not rewarded. Furthermore, they will not only expect the rewards they always get, but they will start demanding more: e.g. “Can I get a bonus coupon for sweeping the classroom too?” “I won’t help with that chore if I don’t get an additional reward for it.”

Additionally, kids may start to want rewards for other things as well, giving them the sense of greed and entitlement. What happens when you are not around? When they are staying with somebody else? Would they behave the same way even if you are not there to reward them? Chances are they will not.

Nothing to an extreme can be good. Our advice is to use rewards intelligently and sporadically. Do not make rewards an every day routine, but rather, leave it for special occasions and chores. In your everyday lives, kids should learn to have responsibility and discipline even when there is no physical reward. You can read our post on influencing kids to learn about ways to teach them morals, ethics, and values and how to influence them without over-utilizing physical rewards. What’s an easy way to implement this? Start by doing the chores and work with them, explaining why this is beneficial for them or for the family, and show gratitude and praise for the good work. The motivation should come from within the child.

Forcing your kids to over-eat and not allow them to listen to their bodies

Every parent at some point worry their kids are not eating enough. Therefore, they turn to more authoritative styles to force their kids to eat.

“Finish Your Plate”
“Two More Bites”
“Eat All of Your Lunch”
“You Have to Eat All Your Dinner Before You Can Get Down From the Table”
“If You Don’t Eat Dinner, You Can’t Have Dessert”
“Four Bites of Peas and Two of Chicken and Then You can Be Excused”

These are all things you are probably used to hearing, and feel no remorse on applying them to your kids. However, new research has shown that doing this to children can have more negative effects in the long run.

When kids are growing up, they look for food and want to eat only when they are hungry. This is something we used to have as well, but most of us lost it after being told we should eat the entire plate. By forcing kids to eat, parents are teaching them that they should eat even without being hungry. This eventually will teach children to ignore the signals of their brain and body. You see, every human is born with a sensor that tells the brain when you feel hungry, full, thirsty, etc. If parents force their kids to ignore these signals, they will change the way this internal sensor works.

The long term result? Kids will grow into adults that don’t know how to listen to their bodies and eat proportionally. This will probably result in weight problems, obesity, and even medical health issues in some cases.

Instead, we recommend to let your kids eat what they feel they should eat. It may look like a little at first, but do not worry, your kid will learn to choose portions with practice and time. It is also a good idea to have snacks available for your kids. If they did not eat enough on a main meal, they will quickly get hungry, and sometimes grumpy, so having nutritious snacks available will solve many issues at once:

1. Your kids will be happy and satisfied
2. They will start enjoying more nutritious foods than the ones you usually find on-the-go
3. You will be a happy parent if your kid is not crying or upset due to hunger

Wrap it Up!

Everyday, our team at Ewotopia works hard to bring you the most advanced and proven insights for millennial parenting, even if they may be surprising or sound counterintuitive to everything you believed before. It might be shocking to hear that these common practices may actually be harmful for your kids in the long run. However, we trust that the newly found research will make a new generation of better and improved parents.

The three things you need to remember and start changing in your style are:

1. Support your kids when they want to practice their passion or choose their own career path for your own selfish reasons
2. Do not use rewards on a daily basis. Try to teach your kids to find their own inner motivation to help with things at home and do their work
3. Do not force your kids to eat if they are not hungry. Try to think of how useful understanding hunger will be for them in the future

What do you think? Are any of these surprising to you? Were you practicing this approach? Comment below your point of view. There might be other parents willing to discuss.

Sources

Corinne. “The Longterm Damage Of Forcing Kids to Eat “One More Bite”.” The Pragmatic Parent. September 22, 2016. https://www.thepragmaticparent.com/forcingchildrentoeat/

Lively, Sue. “DISCIPLINING KIDS: WHY REWARDS DON’T WORK!” One Time Through. February 6, 2015. http://onetimethrough.com/disciplining-kids-why-rewards-dont-work/