Parents should help their kids to have self-confidence and to feel they are capable of reaching their goals. Often though, low self-confidence gets mistaken with being shy. The reality is that having self-confidence is way more than just being shy or introverted. This article is going to discuss all the more meaningful benefits of teaching about and building your kids self-confidence from early on.
We are going to touch up on topics like self-esteem, identification, responsibility, and more. Let’s get started.
Self-Confidence promotes self-esteem
These two concepts (self-confidence and self-esteem) can be pretty similar, but the reality is that feeling confident helps to promote an improved sense of self: self-esteem. Self-esteem is by definition the way you feel about yourself, how highly or lowly you regard yourself as, or how positively or negative you view yourself. You can only imagine how important it is to feel good about yourself and the impact it can have in many areas of life. In other words, it is very important to have a high self-esteem. In the academic realm of psychology, famous psychologist Carl Roger’s central concept is his theory of the Self. Roger’s advocates that young children begin to develop a consistent set of perceptions and beliefs about oneself as they begin to interact with the world. This next part of his theory is why it is very important for us as parents to be vigilant and careful of how our children develop their sense of Self. Roger’s theory dictates that as humans develop their self-concept, we have a tendency and need for ‘self-consistency’ and congruence, meaning we have a need to maintain our self-concept. Therefore, it is important that our kids develop a positive sense of self and develop a high sense of confidence in themselves, to feel they are able to achieve whatever they set their minds to, to feel they are loved and have people to love, and to feel less pressure from their peers to be something they are not. By developing these positive traits early on, it will be easier for them to maintain this self-confidence as they grow and they will have a tendency to maintain this self-concept and thus stick to their positive mental and physical habits.
Kids who feel like they are not loved by family and friends tend to believe it is their own fault and that their efforts will lead to failure. This is a level of low-confidence. It is important that you as their parent make sure your kid is feeling worthy of success and love. This will help promote self-confidence in your child which will translate into high self-esteem.
Self-Confidence serves different purposes in different stages of life
Every stage through a person’s life has its challenges and milestones. Reaching the milestones one sets for themselves create a higher sense of self-confidence and teaches them different aspects about their identity and their life. For example, babies learn about persistence. They feel confident when they understand they will learn new things through effort, for example. learning how to crawl through trial and error.
Furthermore, toddlers start learning about being independence through things like dressing themselves or going to the bathroom by themselves. All these small things build their sense of confidence by realizing they have the ability to learn and this confidence re-feeds them to keep looking for more ways to be grow and become independent.
As your kids get older, meaningful and positive relationships with their family and peers will benefit them not only with everything we have mentioned about good relationships for our kids (read our blog post about benefits of good relationships here), but also help them develop and boost self-confidence.
Self-confidence affects everyday situations
It is no secret that self-confidence plays a role in how your kid reacts to every situation. If your child has low self-confidence, they are more likely to skip speaking in public, reaching out for help, being involved in social interactions, and even shy away from helping others. With low self-confidence levels, they don’t feel confident enough in themselves to take part in any of this. The consequence of this is less meaningful relations, less influence in others, and making more mistakes than they would have if they were capable of asking.
On top of that, self-confidence directly relates to how your kids approach a problem or decision. Children become less of a problem-solver if they have low self-confidence. Not being able to solve easy, everyday problems can easily jeopardize your child’s performance in school and their ability to be independent. For this reason, you should really be aware of how you children respond to everyday situations and observe their behavior to see if this it could be derived from having low confidence in themselves.
Feeling confident makes your kids happier
Who doesn’t want their kids to be the happiest they can be? There are no amount of toys, vacations, TV shows, or food that can make up for feeling unconfident. Your kids can be in what you believe to be a great environment, but if they don’t feel confident and worthy they won’t be truly happy.
Confidence can help your kids take on the world with more energy and determination, resulting in better relationships, quality work and a feeling of being connected with their surroundings. In other words, if they are confident, they will learn how to appreciate and be happy with everything life has to offer. A positive and happy attitude always results from feeling good about yourself and knowing that your place in the world is important and meaningful.
Self-Confidence promotes good health
Children growing up with confidence in their own abilities not only tend to do better in school, in sports, and in social environments, but they also take better care of themselves, both physically and mentally, than their peers with low self-confidence levels. In the long run, this leads to healthier individuals.
Furthermore, kids with high self-confidence tend to withstand and cope with peer pressure better, and therefore, are more likely to make smart decisions for their own benefit. It takes character and confidence to say no to drugs, alcohol, smoking, overeating, and other bad health habits that are often born out of peer pressure.
Applying what you have learned to boost your child’s self-confidence
Now that we have discussed some of the most important benefits a kid with high self-confidence can receive, we wanted to also share some ways you can help your kids feel confident about themselves. These are all easy and simple ways you can use everyday to boost your child’s level of self-confidence.
Read carefully and really analize how you are behaving with your kids today and what changes you might need to make.
Love your kids
It might sound simple. We all love our kids, right? However, making sure they know and feel your love is essential to build up their confidence. In academic psychology, this is known as human’s innate need for positive regard – for acceptance, sympathy, and love from others. You can give your children two types of positive regard: unconditional and conditional. Unconditional positive regard communicates that you love and value your child regardless of accomplishments or behavior. Conditional positive regard is dependent on how they behave. Studies and research has shown that parents are very likely to portray conditional regards in four domains: emotion control, prosocial, academics, and sports. Some level of this can be warranted, however, going to an extreme in any of these domains will result in ups and downs for your child’s self-esteem and perceived parental disapproval. Your child needs to feel accepted and loved, beginning with you, their family, and extending to other groups. When you react instinctively and emotionally, such as yelling or other mistakes, realize it and give your child a hug, tell them you’re sorry and that you love them. Unconditional love builds a strong foundation for confidence.
Give them praise but not too much praise
This is important because children usually measure their worth and sense of achievement by how you react to them. Be realistic, though. Nobody wants kids who think everything they do is right or amazing, so we recommend to always praise the effort, but if your child is just not good at something, do not praise the result. Reassure to your child that it is OK not to be the best at everything, but that they were very brave and courageous to even try. Let them know everybody has their strengths and weaknesses and that nobody is perfect and no one expects them to be. Studies have also shown revealed that it is far better to praise your children’s efforts, their struggles, and the entire process, rather than mentioning how ‘smart’ they are, how ‘amazing’ they are, how ‘talented’ they are. This is because it is far more beneficial for your kid to understand the merits of trying, failing, learning, trying again, and ultimately succeeding, rather than just receiving praise of the final achievement. When tougher challenges and obstacles arise in your child’s life, and they will, they will be much more adept at dealing with them and continually working to overcome them.
Don’t do everything for them
As parents, we know you want to make everything as easy as possible for your child. Sometimes we even do things for them because of our own impatience. However, it is important for you to give them the chance to work things out for themselves. Remember the benefits that come from every stage and how feeling confident affects everyday situations (we discussed these above within the benefits). By letting them do their own things, they will acquire new skills and knowledge and hence, feel more competent, capable, and thus, confident.
Don’t make comparisons between your children
If you have more than one child, let each of your kids have their own strengths and weaknesses. Let them know you appreciate each one’s individuality and special gifts. Picking favorites or even telling one of your kids they should be more like the other one in one aspect can develop a sense of feeling less loved and worthy. Every person is different, will have different interests, and will have different talents, so you should be accepting and loving of every unique personality.
Instill independence and adventure
We have already talked about how feeling confident can help your kids feel independent and do things for themselves. Therefore, you need to encourage that behavior. Self-confident children should be willing to try new things without the fear of failing. Set up an environment where it is safe for them to be independent and adventurous. Whether it is at home, at the park, or on a trip, give them space to explore and feel they have the power to handle new situations.
Putting it all together
We started this article talking about the important benefits our kids get from feeling high self-confidence. Self-confidence promotes a good sense of self-esteem. It also helps develop different aspects of their personality at different stages in life, like perseverance and independence. It affects everyday situations and how your kids react to it: a confident kid is more willing to speak out in public, ask for questions, develop meaningful and positive relationships, help others, and much more. Last but not least, feeling confident will allow your kids to live a happier and healthier life.
Additionally, we included ways you can use to build confidence in your kids.
We discussed things like letting them know they are loved unconditionally, giving just enough praise to both their efforts and their accomplishments, letting them do their things by themselves, not making comparisons between your children, and instilling appropriate independence.
These are all simple tools you can use everyday to help your children foster self-confidence and grow into a more well behaved, independent, successful, and self-worth individual.
Comment below if you liked this topic and if these are things you practice at home with your children.
Resources
Finello, Kristen. “Simple Ways to Boost Your Child’s Self-Esteem.” Parents. https://www.parents.com/toddlers-preschoolers/development/social/boost-your-childs-self-esteem/
“10 Tips on How to Build Confidence in Kids.” September 24, 2012. Working Mother. https://www.workingmother.com/content/10-tips-helping-your-child-build-self-confidence
Ray, Linda. “What Are the Benefits of Self Confidence?” LiveStrong. June 13, 2017. https://www.livestrong.com/article/124502-instantly-build-self-confidence/
Roberts, Holly L. “ Why Self-Esteem Is Important for Children.” LiveStrong. June 13, 2017. https://www.livestrong.com/article/175620-why-self-esteem-is-important-for-children/