As parents, we should be thinking about how even the small things during our kids childhood can make big differences in the type of person they develop to be in their adulthood. This is one of many reasons why we may become passionate about becoming the best parents we can be, in all aspects of our kids lives.
Relationships is certainly one of those things. Not only because we want our kids to have meaningful, healthy, and lasting relationships with their peers and family, of course we want that, but also because there are important physical and psychological benefits to having healthy relationships. This applies to everyone, not just kids, thus making it more important for one to begin fostering relationships at an early age.
For this article, we want to explore the 3 main reasons why it is important we help our kids develop strong and healthy bonds with others and ourselves, the parents. In future posts, we will dig deeper on the HOW, but for now, we want to make sure we understand the WHY. So let’s begin.
1. Happiness is positively correlated with meaningful relationships
There has been extensive research on this. We humans thrive on relationships. No, it is not money nor material things that make us truly happy. It is the people we get to share life with. It is the memories we get to create with them. Would you believe that the most important thing in our lives is LOVE? This is not wishful thinking or science fiction. This is a fact that has been researched, studied, and published.
A very well known and researched theory in human psychology, Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, lists love and belonging as the third step in its pyramid of human motivation and psychological needs.
Love many times translates into giving selflessly, and there is a lot of joy in that. Whether it is giving your time, attention, money, or just a smile, genuine and loving relationships is all about giving. Having genuine and loving relationships makes you happy.
Furthermore, and let’s all go back to our high school days, humans crave a sense to ‘fit in’. Whether it’s with high school friends, a certain school, a team for our favorite hobby, or our own family, we all need a sense of belonging. A sense that we have people to share our lives with, to look up to, to ask for help, and to lean on.
So why do we need to care about their relationships with us and with others? Because we want them to be happy. It’s that simple. It is important we help our children understand the importance of sharing and giving selflessly in their relationships. This principle will create strong, unselfish relationships that will bring happiness to our kids for the rest of their lives.
2. Relationships positively affect our basic psychological needs of self-worth and self-transcendence
Referring back to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, two of the last steps in its pyramid of needs are self-esteem/self-worth and self-transcendence. People that are self-driven and motivated strive to give in towards a higher purpose bigger than themselves. It’s natural for people to feel fulfilled if they have somehow created a positive impact in someone else’s life.
No matter how small or big, we like to feel like we did something good. It brings us a sense of worthiness and meaningfulness. Having a long lasting and trustworthy relationship can be an effective conduit for making an observable impact in somebody’s life.
When having an honest relationship with someone, words sink deep into our hearts, not just our minds. Therefore, it is important for our children to create relationships early on so they can see how their actions and words can impact others. Whether they cause joy or pain with their actions and words towards others, our children learn from other people’s reactions. When they realize their actions have an impact, they can correct their behaviors to feel like a positive influence in other people’s lives.
You want to help your child be proud of who they are and what they’ve done, so everytime they realize their actions made a positive impact on somebody else, highlight and praise that moment, ask how they think they made other people feel, and help them remember this for future interactions.
3. Having people we can rely on helps us live longer
What’s the point of living a long and healthy life if you have no one to share it with? Sadly, we know we may not always be there for our children, but there will always be some comfort in knowing that they have found a companion for when we are no longer here.
We need to start teaching them the importance of helping as well as asking for help from others, not being selfish, and admitting when they’re wrong. This will transition into having better and longer relationships. In the love and romance phase, knowing when to be wrong and ask for advice helps to find that companion that will be with them for the rest of our lives, because they know they are better when they’re not alone.
Throughout our human lives, we will encounter many highs and lows. The low times bring difficult obstacles and emotions that can be overwhelming and may break us. No one is exempt from this, so you as a parent should best prepare your children to cope with current and future hard times. In those times, they will need someone to support them and encourage them to keep going. When problems look too big, it is that other person that will help bring clarity to our children’s life. And clarity, encouragement, and support will help them WANT to push through, live longer and strive for more.
This is also why it is so important that we let them know that it is okay to be wrong, to listen to others’ perspective, and to know when to ask help from others. They should feel okay with making mistakes, but also have a reason to stand up, improve, and keep going.
Let’s Wrap Things Up
Our goal and wish as parents is to watch our children grow up, be happy, and find the people that will give them sense and meaning into their lives, even after we are gone. This is the main reason why we want them to know how to create strong relationships during their childhood. Not only because many of these relationships will last their lifetimes, but also because they learn and develop from each one of them.
As you watch your children create or struggle with relationships, remember these three big reasons why these relationships are important:
- Happiness is positively correlated with meaningful relationships
- Relationships positively affect our basic psychological needs of self-worth and self-transcendence
- Having people we can rely on helps us live longer
Never underestimate the power of creating new friendships in class, in the park, or in day care. And more importantly, give your parent-child relationship the biggest importance above all other aspects of their childhood. You cannot control the relationships your child has with others, but you can control your own relationship to make it as meaningful and helpful as it can to your child. This will bring them happiness and self-worth, and self-transcendence.
In our upcoming articles, we will be digging deeper into the ‘How’ of how we can help our children cultivate these meaningful relationships, but for now, we hope you understand its importance. Feel free to comment below if you share these thoughts, and if you can think of any other important reasons why creating relationships is important for our children from an early age.
Resources
Latumahina, Donald. “5 Reasons Why Relationships Should be Your Top Priority.” Life Optimizer. February 18, 2007. https://www.lifeoptimizer.org/2007/02/18/5-reasons-why-relationships-should-be-your-top-priority/
Maslow, Abraham. “A Theory of Human Motivation”. Psychological Review. 1943.